High Conflict People

High conflict people are everywhere, and sometimes we don’t realize we are communicating with a high conflict person until we are in deep—whether it’s a family member or someone with whom we work.

High conflict people are masters of manipulation. You might expect a high conflict person to be someone who shouts and is argumentative. Usually the opposite is true though. Someone who shouts and is argumentative is likely just an unhappy and angry human. When we refer to high conflict people in the legal field, we are referring to people who believe “their” way is the only way. A settlement with a high conflict person is whatever the high conflict person desires—it is not a negotiated compromise.

Many high-conflict people also suffer from personality disorders. One of the most common personality disorders for high conflict people is narcissistic personality disorder. While everyone may have selfish traits, people with narcissistic personality disorder have serious limitations in their capacity to maintain a healthy relationship with a spouse, co-workers, and even their own children.

The tendency of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder to blame others and their inability to accept responsibility for their own role in any conflict can be fierce and unrelenting. Some are explosive in their attacks, and some are masters of subtle manipulation. Either way, if you are in a relationship (business or personal) to someone with narcissistic personality disorder, you likely feel like you are going crazy, and you may feel as if you are to blame for things even when you know on some level that you can’t really be responsible for everything that has gone wrong.

Christine Callahan has decades of experience representing clients in cases with high conflict people—it is her area of expertise. Christine offers coaching for managing relationships with high conflict people and she advises on strategy for mediation or resolving disputes involving high conflict people.

Less Drama, More Peace—Mediation Can Work with High Conflict People

Recognizing what you are dealing with can help you navigate the rough emotional waters you will surely face while trying to settle a dispute with a high conflict person. Mediation can be successful with high-conflict people, but it requires a different kind of mediator: one who understands and appreciates the imbalance of power between the parties in mediation. The manipulative tactics used by high-conflict people can be subtle, and a skilled mediator will be familiar with the tactics to avoid pitfalls and bring the parties to an efficient resolution. For more information on dealing with high-conflict individuals, watch for articles in our blog reports.